June 2007 Archives

...and not realize it till after?

Girlfriend and I step into the elevator
with friend's puppy. We're joined by a
young couple and their child.

(recognizes friend's dog,
correctly says the dog's name)

Yes, it's a puppy.

(to me)
How old is it?

She's about a year old... not sure exactly. It doesn't
belong to me, it belongs to _______.

Oh, it's _____ and _____'s dog.
(to daughter)
You were right! It's _______!

(continues in conversation,
entirely focused on not
letting the very large black
lab get too close to the small
child who both wants to pet it
but is a bit afraid of it)
My floor.

Have a nice day!

(looking at them briefly, walking
You too!

Took three seconds after the elevator closed till I had the thought, "wait, wasn't that Kerry Butler?"
Took two more days to find out she actually lives in the building.

Kerry Butler, if you are reading this, I'm sorry I didn't get to tell you that you were awesome in Batboy. Other stuff too, but particularly Batboy.
My technology experiences have led me to believe that you can save most "corrupt" computer data if you have enough money to do it.

Shame that Andrew Lloyd Webber is so poor.

[If you missed my Broadway Abridged Live post earlier today, read that.]

The Bitch of Tonys

My biggest Tony Awards Pet Peeve goes something like this:

Producer 1: What should we do for the Spring Awakening Tonys Performance?
Producer 2: Let's do "The Bitch of Living".
Producer 3: Yes, it shows off the show quite well.
Producer 5: And it's a complete number. We can do the entire thing from beginning to end. Perfect.
Producer 6: We can't do "Bitch of Living".
Producer 10: Why not?
Producer 15: Because if we do "Bitch of Living", we won't be using the entire cast.
Producer 20: Then let's do part of "Mama Who Bore Me" and that'll get the girls in there.
Producer 27: But we want to see the whole cast *together*. Let's also do "Totally Fucked".
Producer 35: We can't say "Fucked" on TV though, so we'll have them just say "Totally"! I'm absolutely sure this won't look fucking retarded.
Producer 873 1/2: OK, it's settled.
We do a medley, and this way every cast member gets to be onstage, which is really important.
Producer 2: But what about the whole doing a number that represents the show well and *sells* the show?
Producer 525,600:
No. Much more important to do a number that features every fucking person in the show.

  • Mary Poppins should have just done Step in Time, and Disney can afford to pony up the money to do the tapdance-on-ceiling thing.
  • Curtains' choice didn't sell the show to any of the 20 people watching the awards with me. The "David Hyde Pierce is a stumbly dancer!" number would have worked better.
  • Company *would* have looked better with more cast. I love Raul (wish he won, or at least tied) but one guy on a stage doesn't really do it. Maybe not necessarily true for this production though...
  • Grey Gardens probably did the best number in the show.
  • And kudos to Chorus Line for shoving "God I hope I get it" into there.
Year after year, they keep shoving in a "let's include the whole cast!" number. Can you imagine what Wicked would've looked like if they threw in pieces of "No one morns the wicked" and "popular" instead of just doing "Defying Gravity" like they did?

Consider doing this:

| 1 Comment
  1. Subscribe to the excellent Broadway Bullet Podcast via iTunes or MP3 RSS.
  2. On Thursday, June 14th, tune into episode 119.
  3. Confused? Curious? See if Michael Gilboe gives any clues at the very end of volume 118.

Ripoff of a ripoff

1. This site:
is a ripoff.

2. But this
is also a ripoff.

Not that I'm the only one that can write "abridged" scripts. Heck, I stole the idea from this site. But check this out:

From #1:
                     Chaos ensues.  Above the stage, a giant
wooden dragon shakes left and right.

The dragon is moving! What an excellent representation of
the fantastic ideas conjured up from the original source

Uh... so, what's up with that dragon?
From #2:
Person who has read the book: Hey, that's so cool! It's like the Time Dragon from the book is telling us the story like it does in the novel to Elphaba in the end.

Person who has not read the book: What's with the dragons and clocks?

From #1:
                     The show starts with a dissonant song
as people jump around in what is
apparently "choreography".
From #2:
(The show begins with a giant witch hat filling the stage. The ensemble members are all under it ready to come out. Suddenly they realize the scene has not been choreographed.)
Wayne Cilento: Was I supposed to choreograph this?
Joe Mantello: (who is reading Playgirl) I don't know.
Wayne Cilento: (to the ensemble) Do something! Jump around! Improvise!

And on and on. There's only one possible conclusion:
I must have unknowingly copied somebody else's Wicked Script.
I'm sorry.


Ever have a conversation with a "celebrity"...
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Andrew Lloyd Webber is a crappy, crappy liar.
Genius Cat Destroys Lloyd Webber's Phantom Sequel ScoreMy technology experiences have led me to believe that you can save most…
Broadway Abridged LIVE! - Wicked
What happens when you take some voices, a recording studio and a Broadway Abridged script?Why, it must be Broadway Abridged…
The Bitch of Tonys
My biggest Tony Awards Pet Peeve goes something like this:Producer 1: What should we do for the Spring Awakening Tonys…



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