It is what it is.
May 2012 Archives
It is what it is.
Poor Leslie Odom, Jr. You'd think it's bad enough that he already has to be in that Leap of Faith musical.
Fine. As requested, the rest of your ideas for prequels and how much they all suck.
- Rocky Horror -- The Prequel: How did Frank-n-Furter become so fucked up? Let's find out, in excruciating detail!
- Newsies -- The Prequel: Ali seems to want Newsies, but with even younger kids who are even worse at acing. Never fear, Ali. Disney will surely be releasing Newsies, Jr any minute now.
- Sunset Boulevard -- The Prequel: Everybody, thank Michael D, because it may be his fault that you have to hear new Andrew Lloyd Webber Music.
- The Sound Of Music -- The Prequel: Fine, but only if Baby Hitler is a character.
- Doctor Doolittle -- The Prequel: Well yes, it sounds magical, until one of the pigs shits onstage. Then it's super-magical.
- Ghost -- The Prequel: Really, Heather? Did you think that the Broadway musical did such a great job at the interpersonal bits? And the special effects were just "getting in the way" as opposed to "being the thing that makes tourists presume that they liked it"?
- Anything Goes -- The Prequel: Both Rachel and Sarah suggested this one. I have no joke here, as I constantly forget what the "plot" is for Anything Goes. So you could put anything else on a boat and call it the Anything Goes Prequel and I'd probably believe you.
- Mary Poppins -- The Prequel: A spoon full of sugar makes the medicine... come up?
- Spring Awakening -- The Prequel: THAT WAS CALLED RENT, TOM. YOU JUST MADE BABY JONATHAN LARSON CRY.
- Porgy and Bess -- The Prequel: The slow, 4-hour opera about how Porgy became a cripple. #suchfun
- Robin Hood -- The Prequel: This is the one I would probably go see, actually. So long as Mel Brooks writes it. And it's called "Men In Tights: The Only Other Mel Brooks Movie That Would Make A Good Musical".
- Passion -- The Prequel: Because so many people saw Passion, and wanted to learn more about how one becomes so ugly.
- Evening Primrose -- The Prequel: But... but that's basically the young girl walking around the department store lost saying, "Mommy? Mommy?" Which means: Alex, you're a sick fuck.
- The Drowsy Chaperone -- The Prequel: YES. Frankly I just want to see the entirety of that offensive Asian musical from the intermission.
- The Book of Mormon -- The Prequel: I'm in for this one too! Even if I show up to the theater and find it's just Josh Gad onstage reading all the parts of South Park script.
- Jesus Christ Superstar -- The Prequel: You mean this?
- You're A Good Man Charlie Brown But As Babies: You mean this?
If I missed some it's either because I'm not familiar with the original (I haven't seen any version of Hello Dolly ever) or I'm just too lazy to make fun of you.
Lots of you suggested what *you* thought a good prequel-musical idea would be, and most of your ideas sounded... well.. god-awful. For shame.
The winner (by randomness) actually entered via retweet, and that was @DreamsRecurring on Twitter! Congrats Kathleen P! DM me your e-mail address @BwayAbridged for your ticket voucher, usable any time in May.
And for the record, here are some of the terrible ideas you people came up with:
- A Chorus Line -- The Prequel: Remember how bad a decision this was last time, when they called it "Fame"?
- American Idiot -- The Prequel: I've already spoken much about how much I admire "Dookie: A Musical Fantasia".
- Beauty and the Beast -- The Prequel: It's the 3-minute prologue of the original, streeettcchhheeddd iiinnntttoooo aaaaaa ffffuuuullll tttwwwoooo hhhoooouurrrr ssshoooowwww.....
- Carrie -- The Prequel: The tagline to this one would be something along the lines of "Because you enjoyed the original so much the first two times."
- Company -- The Prequel: Watch Bobby sleep around endlessly because he doesn't *care* about marriage! Includes a 55 minute version of "Tick Tock".
- Follies -- The Prequel: So if the original takes place today showing how hopeful they once were, the prequel instead takes place then, while showing how rock-bottom they're going to hit today? Sounds like it'll give me the same headache as Follies.
- Gypsy -- The Prequel: You loved Mama Rose failing at being a mother, now watch her fail at brand new things!
- In The Heights -- The Prequel: If you've heard the very original demo tracks of In The Heights, trust me, you don't want to see some earlier retread of that show.
- Into the Woods -- The Prequel: If you've seen any of "Once Upon A Time" on ABC, you already know how boring this is going to be.
- Merrily We Roll Along -- The Prequel: Lauren already pointed out that this takes place in the future. I can't wait to find out how the pinky swear thing comes into play when they're battling robots.
- Miss Saigon -- The Prequel: Find out how Kim became a whore! (Hint: she's poor)
- Next to Normal -- The Prequel: In this, do we get to actually watch Aaron Tveit die onstage? Because the only other time I saw him die onstage was in Catch Me If You Can. (zing!)
- Phantom -- The Prequel: Chaz! Chris! Megan! Theo! Mike! What's wrong with you people? Didn't the sequel of this teach you guys anything?
- Rent -- The Prequel: Dear Bobert. Please listen to "Tick Tick Boom" which, in many ways, is better than Rent. As for the rest of you: please do the same, and just skip over "Green Green Dress".
- Smash -- The Prequel: It's a shame this contest was chosen randomly and not on merit. Because if it were, Sara's IP address would be blocked from ever entering a contest again.
Frankly, the problem with prequels was best detailed with Star Wars Episode I: you already know what's going to happen, and you expect everything that's coming. The reason why Starcatcher and Wicked are so popular is because the way they're plotted, you find out that these people are not the archetypes they seem. Prequels usually suck unless the prequel belittles the original as to say, "No, this is the important story".
Now everybody who submitted an idea, go write it and get it on Broadway. If any of your show ideas ever get onto The Great Whitebread Way, I'll have my abridging work cut out for me.
Uma Thurman makes an acting decision to play the part of Marilyn dressed like Glenn Close in 101 Dalmations