DESSA ROSE
A Broadway Abridged Script
By Gil Varod
SCENE: YEARS AGO, IN THE TIME OF SLAVERY
Enter RACHEL YORK.
RACHEL YORK
(VERY obviously pretending that
she's "old", but not in "old
makeup" or anything)
My name is Ruth. I'm white and VERY OLD.
LACHANZE
(also pretending she's old for
some reason or other)
I'm Dessa Rose, the title character. I am black, but also am
VERY OLD.
RACHEL YORK AND LACHANZE
Both of us are VERY OLD and...
REST OF FEMALES IN CAST
(running onto stage, singing:)
WE ARE DESCENDED FROM A LINE OF STRONG WOMEN!
WE ARE DESCENDED FROM A LINE OF STRONG WOMEN!
THE MALES IN THE CAST
(also running onto stage,
singing:)
WE ARE DESCENDED FROM A LINE OF STRONG WOMEN!
(awkwardly:)
WE ARE DESCENDED from a line of...
(sighing:)
...ok. This is the last time we star in a women-empowerment
musical.
SCENE: WHEREVER LACHANZE WAS ONCE A SLAVE
RACHEL YORK
(acting OLD, walking around in
circles very OLD-LY)
Even back when, LaChanze always had a *fire* in her. Also, a
mighty awesome name.
AUDIENCE
Oh, I get it! Rachel York is the narrator, many many years
later when she became SO OLD she seemed like an ABSURD
CHARACTERIZATION!
LACHANZE
(suddenly acting young, again
with no makeup/costume change)
Oh, lookame and the slave life I lead!
THE FATHER OF
LACHANZE'S CHILD
Oh, lookame as I play this Banjo I made!
FATHER mimes what playing a Banjo would
look like.
That is, if he were an Audio
Animatronic.
LACHANZE'S WHITE MASTER
NO BANJOS ALLOWED!
(breaks Banjo over FATHER's
head)
LACHANZE
No!!
(jumps on MASTER's back and
beats crap out of him)
RACHEL YORK
(acting older than time itself)
What a sight it was, her jumping on her master's back while
she was eight months pregnant!
LACHANZE
Wait, I'm eight months pregnant? Graciela?!?
DIRECTOR GRACIELA DANIELE
Yeah... Hey, Toni? Could you go whip up a "pregnant"
prosthetic for LaChanze to put on so she doesn't look
continuously thin?
COSTUMER TONI-LESLIE JAMES
I don't wanna.
DIRECTOR GRACIELA DANIELE
OK. Then let's go with my second option.
LACHANZE
Which is?
DIRECTOR GRACIELA DANIELE
Having Rachel York mention that she's pregnant every nine
minutes. That accomplishes this just as well!
It DOESN'T.
SCENE: WHEREVER RACHEL YORK LIVES.
LACHANZE
(back to acting old)
Meanwhile, Rachel York was brought up with all the fine
accoutrements of life.
AUDIENCE
Oh, I get it! Rachel York narrates for LaChanze, and
LaChanze narrates for Rachel York! Which is PATHETIC
considering that we STILL can't figure out WHAT THE HECK IS
HAPPENING!
RACHEL YORK'S
ASSHOLE HUSBAND
(entering)
You have pretty hair. Let's get married.
RACHEL YORK
Oh Momma, I'm going to marry ASSHOLE HUSBAND!
RACHEL YORK'S MOTHER
He is a good gentleman, so I am totally supportive of you in
this! Go get married!
They DO.
LACHANZE
(old-ly)
But then they found out that HUSBAND was a GAMBLER.
RACHEL YORK'S
ASSHOLE HUSBAND
I keep abandoning you for periods of MONTHS at a time!
RACHEL YORK'S MOTHER
(angrily)
See? You should have NEVER gotten married to him!
RACHEL YORK
But two minutes ago you--
RACHEL YORK'S MOTHER
Now watch me be pompous in a FORCED ATTEMPT at sorely-needed
COMIC RELIEF!
LYRICIST LYNN AHRENS
Hmm. Maybe there's a reason that in every other musical I've
done, I've hired somebody *else* to write the book...
SCENE: WHEREVER LACHANZE IS IMPRISONED (ALTHOUGH WHERE IN THE
STORY'S TIMELINE IS ANYBODY'S GUESS)
OBSESSIVE WHITE JOURNALIST
LaChanze, I want to write a story about your life, and over
the course of writing it I will become more and more obsessed
with you!
LACHANZE
Well, I was brought up with a lot of siblings in South
Caroline or Alabama or something...
A half-hour of totally unnecessary
"information scenes" are flashed-back
to, told via the narrative of LaChanze,
or Rachel York, or sometimes both or
neither..
LACHANZE
(in flashback)
LET'S NOT NAME OUR CHILD UNTIL [we find] FREEDOM!
RACHEL YORK
(a senior again)
And it was so, and she sang about this in such a confus-ed
way so that one-half the audience actually thought that the
name of the child *is* "FREEDOM". And thus it was so, as I
spoke like I was a BIBLE.
OBSESSIVE WHITE JOURNALIST
Wow. That's an amazing story. It's also amazing how you've
wrapped the narrative device of an "old LaChanze" and an "old
Rachel York" with another narrative device of YOU TELLING
YOUR STORY TO ME. And then wrapped that around a narrative
advice of there being a novel about your life, wrapped around
an additional narrative layer of a greek chorus, wrapped
around an additional--
I'm sorry, I'm having trouble writing this all down.
LACHANZE
Good, because I'm escaping!
OBSESSIVE WHITE JOURNALIST
(actually convincing, oddly
enough)
No! I somehow or another LOVE YOU!
SCENE: WHEREVER RACHEL YORK STILL LIVES.
RACHEL YORK
(Young again... or middle-age
now? Who really knows.)
Boy, I'm alone since my HUSBAND left me without true
narrative explanation, my MOTHER left me without any
character build-up, my PERSONAL SERVANT died without needing
to have been in the story, and the NARRATIVE left me without
decent reason for anybody being interested in my story in the
first place.
SLAVES
We live here because you are lonely and will never complain
about us hiding out on your farm. Also, we've brought
LaChanze here. Isn't it time you two met now that the play
is half done?
LACHANZE
I am finally here, and I HATE you Rachel York.
RACHEL YORK
And I hate YOU. I will never, EVER become friends with YOU,
LaChanze!
(winks to audience)
LACHANZE
Fine. In anger, I'm going to SING A SONG TO MY BABY which
spends 9 minutes of the musical NAMING ALL OF MY BROTHERS AND
SISTERS for no reason!
She DOES.
RACHEL YORK
Why are you doing that? Does this show really need to be
LONGER?
SLAVE/ROMANTIC LEAD
Forget that talk Rachel York, come talk with me! I'm a
randomly-chosen slave that you are romantically interested in
for some reason or another!
RACHEL YORK
That's good, even though I truly need to learn TOLERANCE of
BLACK PEOPLE!
(they caress and imitate a
Calvin Klein commercial)
LACHANZE
No! I cannot stand by and watch this, as I truly need to
learn TOLERANCE of WHITE PEOPLE!
SCENE: HOEDOWN.
LACHANZE
(old again)
And then I found....
(back to normal)
Geez, I'm ried of this overused old-narration plot device.
RACHEL YORK
What else should we do? Does anybody else have an idea for
some direction that the story can go towards?
SLAVE/ROMANTIC LEAD
I know! I have this GENIUS PLAN where you keep selling us as
your slaves, then we keep running away and then you sell us
again until we've made thousands of dollars!
(sings about this and do-si
do's a little bit)
See! I sing and dance making light of the fact that you will
sell us off at an auction market!
(dances some more)
AUDIENCE
(queasily)
I feel *very* akward watching this scene.
RACHEL YORK
Okay Slave/Romantic Lead, I'll sell you all off and you
escape. Now what part of your plan explains how you
successfully escape?
SLAVE/ROMANTIC LEAD
Well... Um...
PLOT HOLE TO:
SCENE: A HOTEL
RACHEL YORK
Well, LaChanze, it seems like I've sold you guys off many
many times and you've somehow escaped each time. And now we
have money, which you have JUST NOW AT THE VERY END OF THE
PLAY decided you will use to buy your freedom. But first,
maybe we shouldn't HATE EACH OTHER anymore now that the plot
doesn't require it.
They make up as convention dictates,
and both learn an important lesson
about Black People, White People, and
the wonderful BEAUTY OF GREY.
THE "BEAUTY OF GREY" LESSON
You may remember me from such pop-culture pieces as
EVERYTHING EVER!
LACHANZE
I'm so glad we're now TRUE FRIENDS!
(suddenly old again)
And so, we became true friends, even though we parted ways
never to see each other again...
RACHEL YORK
(also back to being old, ending
the play)
But even though we never saw each other again, we TELL THIS
STORY TOGETHER when VERY OLD because--
OBSESSIVE WHITE JOURNALIST
(suddenly entering)
Wait a minute! I am obsessed with you LaChanze, and I still
exist in this story!
LACHANZE
(old)
Oh, fine.
(back to young)
No, Obsessive White Character, I don't love you.
OBSESSIVE WHITE JOURNALIST
Ah. Good thing I came back into the play to clear that up.
(exits)
LACHANZE
(old)
Where were we?
RACHEL YORK
(old)
You were going to finish off the state of your suffering
filled life with--
A SURPRISING NUMBER OF
"CRITICS"
(rudely interrupting)
WE WANT MORE UPBEAT SHOWS!
THE STATE OF DRAMATIC
MUSICAL THEATRE TODAY
Sigh.
BLACKOUT.
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