South Pacific: Abridged


                               SOUTH PACIFIC ABRIDGED
                                         OR
                                 THE MOST HAPPY WAR!
                                             By Gil Varod and Megan Avery






            SCENE: OVERTURE.


                                   The stage pulls back in order to reveal
                                   a glorious 734 piece orchestra.


                                   LINCOLN CENTER PRODUCERS
            And we got it for the price of what unions usually charge for
            a 4-piece band!  Go fuck yourself, for-profit producers.


                                   YOU KNOW THE TYPE
            Is that a *full overture* I hear? 
            Well well!  I suppose theatre *isn't* dead!
            God am I pretentious.


                                   A curtain with text tries to Prologue
                                   us.


                                   CURTAIN
                          (pissy because it's too dimly
                           lit to be read)
            I wish I could tell you about South Pacific.  The way it
            actually was.  The endless ocean.  The infinite specks of
            coral we called "islands", because we were slap-happy from
            booze.  
            But whenever I try to talk about South Pacific, people
            intervene.  Because they say that people in wars don't sing
            and dance and slap each other's--
                          (curtain rises)
            Wait!  Wait where are you taking me!






            SCENE: THE SOUTH PACIFIC.


                                   Enter two adorable children who walk
                                   around the stage and mime uncomfortably
                                   to each other while they stall for time
                                   until it gets to the beginning of the
                                   song.


                                   ADORABLY CUTE CHILDREN
                          (finally on measure)
            ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE SIX SEVEN EIGHT NINE TEN!
            LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!


                                   OSCAR HAMMERSTEIN 
            Wait!  This musical's supposed to be IMPORTANT!


                                   RICHARD RODGERS
            I know, let's make them foreign or something!


                                   OSCAR HAMMERSTEIN
            What nationality?


                                   RICHARD RODGERS
            Brown!


                                   ADORABLY CUTE HALF
                                   MELANISIAN CHILDREN
            UN DEUX TROIS QUATRE CING SIX SEPT HUIT NEUF DIX!
            LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!


                                   OSCAR HAMMERSTEIN
            OH HOW THIS IS EXCELLENT!


                                   Enter Kelli O'Hara.


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            I just met you, mysterious Frenchman, but I love you already!


                                   RICHARD RODGERS
            YES OH SO RELEVANT!


                                   Enter an Opera Singer who uses "I'm an
                                   opera singer acting like an opera
                                   singer" as his excuse for not really
                                   acting much.


                                   PAOLO SZOT
                          (hiding children vigorously)
            Yes, I love you too Kelli O'Hara.
            We should sing a few songs to solidify our relationship of
            fourteen days, when you told me how you were from Small Rock.


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            Little Rock.


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            And that you were a penis-eyed optimist.


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            Cock... whatever.


                                   PAOLO SZOT
                          (soliloquying)
            THIS IS WHAT I NEED
            SOMEONE YOUNG AND SMILING
            AND BLONDE
            ALWAYS A BLONDE.


                                   They drink tea, and nothing happens.


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            So... small talk...
                          (awkwardly)
            How long did it take you to build up this very large and
            extravagant plantation?


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            Forty Polynesian lives.


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            Uh.  Are they Polynesian though?  Because I'm--


                                   PAOLO SZOT
                          (singing)
            SOME ENCHANTED EVENING!


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            Ah yes I know that song.  Good good.


                                   She spreads her arms all over her own
                                   shoulders and then mimes choking
                                   herself, because the Choreography
                                   budget went to Wigs.


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            I'm from the American South, y'all!


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            AND I KILLED A MAN!


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            Oh isn't that nice.


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            I KILLED A MAN!  ME! 


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            You've been so sweet to me these past three songs, so I'm
            sure you had a good reason.


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            HE WAS A WICKED MAN... 
                          (smiling)
            Hey we should have children!


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            This scene's really long.  You wanna go see some gay sailors
            dance?






            SCENE: THE ANSWER IS "YES".


                                   DON'T ASK
            I make grass skirts!


                                   DON'T TELL
            I'ma gonna slap yer butt!
                          (slaps butt)


                                   DANNY BURSTEIN
            So, Bloody Mary, I understand the economy of this island is
            entirely dependent on the United States Naval demand for
            quality island-crafted jewelry, garments and cultural
            memorabilia.


                                   BLOODY MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE
            GLASS SKILTS!  BOALS TOOTH BLACERET!  SHLUNKEN HEADS!
            YOU WRRRRIIIIIIKKEE?


                                   DANNY BURSTEIN
            It's nice to be in an important musical.


                                   Gay sailors sing and dance
                                   and pull down each other's pants.


                                   DON'T ASK
            I, ahem, "sure wish there were women around".


                                   The entire female cast jogs by.


                                   DON'T TELL
            I, um, "me too".


                                   DANNY BURSTEIN
                          (singing)
            THERE IS NOTHING LIKE A DAME
            LEFTY'S NOT THE SAME
            I REALLY WANT TO GO TO THE ISLAND 
            WHERE THEY HAVE ORGIES
            BUT ONLY THE OFFICERS CAN GO, DAMN IT.
                          (to rest of Navy)
            Everybody, walk around freely to the rhythm with me!


                                   They do, because the Choreography
                                   budget went to a big plane and two
                                   grass skirts.


                                   DANNY BURSTEIN
            Funny, you'd think if we wanted women so much that we CAN'T
            STAND IT, we would DANCE about it in a musical.


                                   Enter Matthew Morrison.


                                   DON'T ASK
                          (clapping hands)
            SQUEEEEEE!


                                   DON'T TELL
                          (jumping up and down)
            IT'S THE GUY FROM GLEE!


                                   THE GUY FROM GLEE
            Look at how cool I am.  I have a CIGARETTE and a leather
            jacket.  Like James Dean.  I'm cooler than all of this.  Like
            James Dean. 


                                   He walks to one side of stage, changes
                                   his mind, walks to other side of stage,
                                   changes his mind, and walks to the
                                   first side of stage.  


                                   DANNY BURSTEIN
            So what's your story?


                                   THE GUY FROM GLEE
            No, I think that was it.


                                   DANNY BURSTEIN
            Say, you should go to Bali Ha'i, where all the women and
            grass skirts come from.  Only Lieutenants can go to Bali Hai! 
            I want to go to Bali Hai!  You're a Lieutenant!  
                          (to audience)
            Got that?  That's the B plot.  All of it.


                                   BLOODY MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE
                          (to Glee dude)
            Yes, let me sing a song convincing you to go there, even
            though you will then be able to purchase at wholesale the
            items I sell for much more.  YOU WRRRRRIIIIKKKEEEE?


                                   THE GUY FROM GLEE
            Whatever.  Hey, did I mention that I went to a little college
            in Jersey.


                                   DANNY BURSTEIN
            Where, Rutgers?


                                   THE GUY FROM GLEE
                          (clearing throat)
            A LITTLE COLLEGE IN JERSEY.


                                   DANNY BURSTEIN
            Seton Hall?


                                   THE GUY FROM GLEE
            No.
                          (dramatic pause:)
            Princeton.


                                   DANNY BURSTEIN
            Tool.


                                        GUY FROM GLEE SINGS "BALI HA'I"
                                        REPRISE AGAIN, JUST TO SOLIDIFY
                                        HOW DISINTERESTED HE WAS, AND
                                        THEN:






            SCENE: GLEE GUY MEETS WITH HEAD OF THE ENTIRE NAVY EVER.


                                   GOOFY FAT HEAD OF NAVY
            Sorry for the wait, I had to get my team of ragtag skirt
            makers to the mess hall for teatime manner lessons.


                                   THE GUY FROM GLEE
            I'm going to draw with a stick on this wooden stage.  Imagine
            what the drawing would have been if this stick was a Sharpee.


                                   GOOFY FAT HEAD OF NAVY
            Yes, of course.


                                   THE GUY FROM GLEE
            All of these islands are generically in danger.  What you
            need to know is that only Paolo Szot can help me make the bad
            bad danger go away.


                                   GOOFY FAT HEAD OF NAVY
            Who?


                                   THE GUY FROM GLEE
            The guy from the first scene.  Remember?  A half an hour ago?


                                   GOOFY FAT HEAD OF NAVY
            Oh Paolo Szot.  
            BUT PAOLO SZOT KILLED A MAN!


                                   THE GUY FROM GLEE
            PAOLO SZOT KILLED A MAN?


                                   GOOFY FAT HEAD OF NAVY
            PAOLO SZOT KILLED A MAN!


                                   Enter Kelli O'Hara.


                                   GOOFY FAT HEAD OF NAVY
            Kelli, did you know that PAOLO SZOT KILLED A MAN?


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            KILLED WHO?


                                   GOOFY FAT HEAD OF NAVY
            A MAN!  Also, what are you doing here?


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            I'm in The Navy.


                                   GOOFY FAT HEAD OF NAVY
            Really?  I didn't catch that.  
            Well allow me to introduce you to That Guy From Glee.


                                   THE GUY FROM GLEE
            Oh, we've met before.  


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            Yes, back during his Italian Accent Phase, he kissed me when
            I was mentally retarded.


                                   THE GUY FROM GLEE
            Did I mention I'm from a small University in New Jer--


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            That joke's been around since the 40s?  Sad.


                                   THE GUY FROM GLEE
            Forget you.  You only fall in love with guys with foreign
            guys anyway.  And Harry Connick, Jr.


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            I don't have time for this.  I need to go take a shower while
            the rest of the cast cheers me on for doing so.


                                        GRATUITOUS MALE NUDITY-FILLED
                                        TRANSITION TO:






            SCENE: REMEMBER WHAT "BIKINIS" LOOKED LIKE IN THE 40'S? 
            ALSO, EVERYONE WEARING BIKINIS IN THE SHOWER IN THE 40'S?


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            We spent too much time on the love plot, and then not enough
            on it.  So now's about the time in a Rodgers and Hammerstein
            musical where I decide that I DON'T NEED LOVE!


                                   PERSONALITY-LESS RODGERS AND
                                   HAMMERSTEIN FEMALE CHORUS
            Yes, we have lots of opinions on other people's lovelives!
            Also, cleanliness rituals.  
                          (chanting)
            SHAMPOO, KELLI, SHAMPOO!


                                   Poor Kelli O'Hara is onstage in a 2
                                   piece, and sings while soaking wet.  


                                   But, at least it's not Dracula all over
                                   again.


                                   FRANK WILDHORN
                          (should be shot)


                                   PAOLO SZOT
                          (entering)
            Kelli?  I am here unannounced!  At the place where all the
            women shower!  Just in case I was not, how you say, sketched
            enough?


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            Paolo, what are you doing here?  I just shampoo'd my hair in
            a physical representation of my breaking up with you.  


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            ???


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            Usually women get haircuts.


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            I don't understand your American culture.  But what I do
            understand is FREEDOM.


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            You do?!?!?  Oh, then I *do* love you!


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            Of course I do.  Freedom is WHY I KILLED A MAN!


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            Right.  This again.


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            This MAN, everybody disliked him and he took over our town...
            it was all very vague, you see.
            I wanted everybody to stand up to him, but they walked away.
            Because he was STANDING BEHIND ME. 


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            Literally?  That sounds ridiculous.  Can we maybe reenact this
            or something?


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            And he said to me, "I am going to kill you now."
            And I said, "No, I am going to kill you instead."
            And he said, "No you're not."
            And I said, "I so am".  
            And he said "Over my dead body'.  
            And I said, "That's the idea", which I thought was very
            clever.


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            Hooray!


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            And that is how I stole a man's very life force.
            Hey, is this a good segue into asking you to marry me? 


                                   This REALLY HAPPENS.


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            Let's sing SOME ENCHANTED EVENING again!


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            All right, but after that I'm going to immediately leave so
            you can have a solo song.


                                   He does.


                                   Enter mindless idiotic R&H women.


                                   KELLI O'HARA
                          (cartwheeling)
            Oh girls, you'd never guess--I'm in one of the worst Rodgers
            and Hammerstein love storylines EVER!
            Dance with me!


                                   They don't, because the Choreography
                                   budget went to a total of TWO SETS and
                                   a couple of bottles of Head &
                                   Shoulders.


                                   KELLI O'HARA
                          (surprisingly not annoying
                           audience)
            I'M IN LOVE I'M IN LOVE I'M IN LOVE I'M IN LOVE I'M IN LOVE
            I'M IN LOVE I'M IN LOVE I'M IN LOVE I'M IN LOVE I'M IN LOVE
            I'M IN LOVE I'M IN LOVE I'M IN LOVE I'M IN LOVE I'M IN LOVE
            I'M IN LOVE I'M IN LOVE I'M IN LOVE I'M IN LOVE I'M IN LOVE 


                                   AUDIENCE
                          (surprisingly not annoyed)
            Aww.  I want to take you home.


                                   PERSONALITY-LESS RODGERS AND
                                   HAMMERSTEIN FEMALE CHORUS
            Oh, to be a girl in a R&H musical, to do nothing but sing
            about how someone else is in and out and in and out of love.






            SCENE: PAOLO SZOT IS ASKED IF HE'LL HELP WITH SOME VAGUE WAR
            RELATED THING.


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            Why would I help you Westerners?  I had to leave my country
            when I was twenty-two...


                                   THE GUY FROM GLEE
            Here it comes.


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            ...BECAUSE I KILLED A MAN!


                                   THE GUY FROM GLEE
            Like clockwork.


                                   GOOFY FAT HEAD OF NAVY
            I can understand why he doesn't want to go on a dangerous
            mission.  He *does* have kids.


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            No, it is solely because I love Kelli O'Hara.


                                   THE GUY FROM GLEE
            But--


                                   PAOLO SZOT
                          (singing)
            SOME ENCHANTED EVENING.


                                   THE GUY FROM GLEE
            That doesn't even make sense in this scene.






            SCENE: THE FIRST OF *TWO* PARTY SCENES IN A SINGLE RODGERS
            AND HAMMERSTEIN MUSICAL.  HOW THEIR WRITING HAD MATURED SINCE
            OKLAHOMA!


                                   KELLI O'HARA
                          (wasted)
            That was a great party, Paolo.


                                   PAOLO SZOT
                          (being sketchy/foreign)
            Have some more champagne.


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            You know what's... totes awesome....?
            That we, like, both get excited about exciting things!
            Like being in love!  With love!
            We have so much in common, and so strong a foundation to
            build a solid marriage on!


                                   An actual reprise of "I'm In Love".


                                   Then an actual reprise of "This Is What
                                   I Need".


                                   Then an actual reprise of "Wash That
                                   Man".


                                   RICHARD RODGERS
            I CAN'T STOP I'M IN A REPRISING FRENZY!


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            If you are drunk enough, I now have a surprise for you.


                                   Enter those brown kids.


                                   ADORABLY CUTE HALF
                                   MELANISIAN CHILDREN
                          (singing)
            NOUS POUVONS CHANTER
            LA MEME DAMN SONG
            DE SCENE ONE!


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            You have two children?


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            Yes.


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            Where is their mother?


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            Dead.


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            Did you kill her too?  For being NOT WHITE?


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            No, I killed A MAN.  Were you not paying attention?


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            Do you know that your kids have black eyes?  As in they are
            NOT WHITE?  COME ON PAOLO, YOU'RE FRENCH, ISN'T THAT FOREIGN
            ENOUGH?


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            Wait.  So you are not mad at me at all for lying to you, by
            not telling you I had two children before we got engaged to
            be married?


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            BROWN KIDS, PAOLO!  BROWN KIDS!


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            I never would have expected this from a young woman who grew
            up in the American South in the 1930s!  


                                   KELLI O'HARA
                          (stumbling out of plantation)
            If you will excuse me, I must get away from you and your not
            white children.  As quickly as possible.  And the only way to
            do so is to drive home drunk.


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            I'm really glad these brown kids don't understand English.
                          (pause, sings)
            SOME ENCHANTED EVENING--






            SCENE: MATTHEW MORRISON'S CHARACTER HAS NOTHING TO DO.


                                   THE GUY FROM GLEE
            Yawn.


                                   BLOODY MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE
                          (peering in through blinds)
            I know what moves prot arong.  Why not you have sex with my
            daughtel?  YOU WRRRRRIIIIKKKEEEE?


                                   THE GUY FROM GLEE
            Okay, as long as I get to TAKE MY SHIRT OFF!  And FLEX!


                                   He sings a song.


                                   BLOODY MERRY'S DAUGHTER
                          (PG-kissing only)
            Look, you're singing an "a cappella" song with musical
            accompaniment, just like on Glee!


                                        BLACKOUT!


                                        LIGHTS BACK ON!


                                   BLOODY MERRY'S DAUGHTER
            What was that?


                                   THE GUY FROM GLEE
            I think we just had sex.


                                   BLOODY MERRY'S DAUGHTER
            In a 1940s musical?


                                        BLACKOUT!


                                        LIGHTS BACK ON!


                                   THE GUY FROM GLEE
            We did it again!


                                   BLOODY MERRY'S DAUGHTER
            PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON QUICK OR ELSE--


                                        BLACKOUT!


                                        LIGHTS BACK ON!


                                   BLOODY MERRY'S DAUGHTER
            Dammit!


                                   BLOODY MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE
                          (still peering in through the
                           blinds)
            It's my daughter, so I like to watch.


                                   THE GUY FROM GLEE
            WHAT THE FUCK?






            SCENE: PARTY SCENE NUMBER 2.


                                   Danny Burstein comes out in coconut
                                   shells and a grass skirt.


                                   DANNY BURSTEIN
            SEE?  THIS IS NOT OKLAHOMA!


                                   Whatever.


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            Danny Burstein, will you give Kelli O'Hara these flowers?


                                   DANNY BURSTEIN
            We're trying to do the show, please don't upset her.


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            But--


                                   DANNY BURSTEIN
            No really Act 1 was longer than Jesus Christ Superstar. 
            Please don't.


                                   Enter Kelli O'Hara.


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            I'm still not marrying you, Paolo.  Just making that clear.


                                   Exit Kelli O' Hara.


                                   PAOLO SZOT
                          (singing)
            SOME ENCHANTED EVEN--


                                   Matthew Morrison runs in distraught for
                                   absolutely no reason.


                                   BLOODY MERRY'S DAUGHTER
            Oh, Guy From Glee!


                                   They kiss over and over again, but
                                   Bloody Merry keeps interrupting them.


                                   Then she sings a song that makes you
                                   want to shove your eyes into an
                                   electric spice grinder.


                                   BLOODY MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE
            HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY TALK
            HAPPY TALK
            HAPPY TALK
            HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY TALK
            EVERYBODY DIE


                                   BLOODY MERRY'S DAUGHTER
            I'm going to randomly do Tai Chi now!


                                   She does, because the Choreography
                                   budget was spent on...


                                   Well...


                                   Tai Chi lessons.


                                   THE GUY FROM GLEE
            BUT I HATE TAI CHI!


                                   He runs away, and bumps into Kelli
                                   O'Hara.


                                   THE GUY FROM GLEE 
            Oh, I'm in love with that girl who doesn't speak English who
            I keep rejecting!


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            But don't you already have a fiancee back at home?


                                   THE GUY FROM GLEE
            She didn't put out.  The foreign girl did.  Hence the
            blackouts.


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            LET THAT BE A LESSON TO ALL YOU WOMEN IN THE AUDIENCE!


                                   THE GUY FROM GLEE
            No, Kelli O' Hara, the extremely relevant and timely lessons
            of this musical are to follow your heart and to not be
            racist.


                                   KELLI O'HARA
                          (runs off to go stereotype)
            Say it again, Bloody!


                                   BLOODY MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE
            YOU WRRRRRIIIIKKKEEEE?


                                   THE GUY FROM GLEE
            We are trying to make this musical important, Kelli!  ARGH!


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            Hey Glee Guy, you and I should make this musical important
            and relevant by going on a suicidal mission.


                                   THE GUY FROM GLEE
            But I thought--


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            Since perky blonde nurse will not marry me, I now have
            nothing of value to lose, not even my two brown plot devices.


                                   THE GUY FROM GLEE
            Children?


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            Yes please.


                                   THE GUY FROM GLEE
            Then let's go.  You are sad about Kelli, and my character
            makes no sense.






            SCENE: WAR ROOM.


                                   We get to watch the battle from the
                                   most exciting place to experience it--
                                   IN A DARK ROOM WITH A RADIO!


                                   GOOFY FAT HEAD OF NAVY
            God dammit, this is 2009 and we have TECHNOLOGY now.  Can't
            we do SOMETHING more?


                                   DANNY BURSTEIN
            No.


                                   GOOFY FAT HEAD OF NAVY
            You!  I'm angry at you because you parachuted out of a plane
            and were a diversion against the Japanese and are the reason
            we'll win World War 2 or something?


                                   PAOLO SZOT
                          (over Radio)
            Hello, you're listening to "Joe and The Frenchman" on KRNH,
            RACIST RADIO.  Normally we'd have a little performance from
            The Guy From Glee right about now, but he just died, because
            it works best plot-wise if someone has a quiet offstage
            death.
            ...
            ...
            Can I sing SOME ENCHANTED EVENING again yet?






            SCENE: BLOODY MERRY'S DAUGHTER WON'T MARRY ANYBODY BUT THAT
            GUY FROM GLEE.


                                   Yeah... that's a lot of people.






            SCENE: PAOLO SZOT IS FIGHTING IN WORLD WAR 2 NOW.


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            Wait did the entire Navy just ditch me?


                                   The Navy sings a reprise of a song
                                   about swiveling hips as they go off to
                                   war.


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            I guess that means I get to stay here in Paolo's household.


                                   ADORABLY CUTE HALF
                                   MELANISIAN CHILDREN
            LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            Ugh.  What the *hell* are you kids singing anyway?


                                   Enter Paolo Szot.


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            KELLI!


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            Oh Paolo, I knew you'd be back!


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            What are you doing on my luxurious island plantation!?!


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            I love you!


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            When last we met, I was off to war because you'd broken my
            heart!


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            Since then I changed my mind yet again!  But because you were
            already at war, I figured I'd just stay here until/if you
            came back.


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            We're not even married.


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            We--


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            Heck as far as I was aware of, we weren't even dating
            anymore.  Then I go off to war where I could have *died*, to
            come back to find the woman who broke my heart lording over
            my land, servants, and THE KIDS THAT YOU HATE?


                                   KELLI O'HARA
            ...I think you're just a little stressed from the war.  What
            do you say you watch me shampoo my hair again, and then you
            can sing Some Enchant--


                                   Paolo Szot pulls out his Navy-issued
                                   gun and shoots Kelli O'Hara in cold
                                   blood.


                                   PAOLO SZOT
            Racist bitch.


                                        BLACKOUT.

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