Broadway is Expensive. Times Square is a pain to walk through. Intermission isn't enough time to scarf down that $12 Watered-Down-Mojito which you can't bring to your seat. And that jerk in front of you is going to give a standing ovation to a reading of the telephone book. Why bother? We give you each of your (not so)
favorite Broadway shows, ten minutes at a time.

Exit The King: Abridged

By Gil on Sunday, May 31, 2009

                               EXIT THE KING ABRIDGED

                                         OR

                                 THE ABSURDIST'S NAP

                     From the "Broadway Abridged" Shorts Archives

                                                          By Gil Varod

                                      













            SCENE: THE ETHEL BARRYMORE THEATRE.





                                   ANDREA MARTIN AS A NUDGE

            Oh, my inexplicably 400-year-old king, we have terrible news!





                                   GEOFFREY RUSH

            Lauren Ambrose, you are my prettiest wife, tell me this news? 





                                   POOR-MAN'S AMY ADAMS

                          (whining, but with "crying

                           makeup" on)

            Your kingdom is having earthquakes or something.





                                   FUNNY GUY IN KNIGHT OUTFIT

            THE KING NOTES THAT THIS CAN REPRESENT WHATEVER HE WISHES IT

            TO!





                                   SUSAN SARANDON

                          (like she just woke up from a

                           nap)

            Also you're going to die by the end of the play.





                                   GEOFFREY RUSH

            Oh?





                                   Two hours pass.





                                   GEOFFREY RUSH

                          (dies)





                                        BLACKOUT.





                                        ALSO, GEOFFREY RUSH GETS A TONY

                                        FOR MUGGING AND THEN BEING DEAD.

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Exit The King: Abridged

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Classic Broadway Abridged Scripts