WISHFUL DRINKING ABRIDGED
CARRIE FISHER RAN OUT OF MONEY
From the "Broadway Abridged" Shorts Archives
By Gil Varod
SCENE: STUDIO 54
...where Carrie Fisher probably once
Now, I basically say that joke during my show.
Right then. Go ahead.
Now, everybody, let's learn about how ridiculous my life is!
Do tell! We're fully willing to consume 30-year old gossip!
Now, my parents were Eddie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds, and
they cheated on each other!
Hahahahahah! You are so funny!
Now, after that I was in Star Wars, and my head was a Pez
Hahah oh your head was a Pez Dispenser!
Now, then I married Paul Simon! Imagine having Paul Simon be
the one to write songs about how bad a wife you were!
Now, after that I married a gay man, and I was bipolar, and
it ruined me completely and I ended up in a nuthouse!
Hysterical, right? Now, that wasn't the only time I was in a
nuthouse! I also went through electroshock therapy and went
to a mental institution and got addicted to prescription
medication! Ha ha ha ha! MANIC DEPRESSION HA HA HA!
...wait are you going to divulge what it was like to go
through any of that?
(suddenly serious for 40
Now, being bipolar is terrible.
Oooh, if I've learned anything from Billy Crystal's "700
Sundays", halfway through is when a one-man show turns from
hysterical to touching and soul-baring--
No, that was it.
HELP ME OBI WAN KENBI YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE! God I'm funny.
...do I at least get some very important lesson to learn?
NOPE. NOW, GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY!
ALSO, CARRIE FISHER STEALS A JOKE
FROM DAVE BARRY.